Varia Vacation
by Dorothy-TheInsaneArcobaleno
Summary: The Ninth decides that Tsuna needs to see how the real Mafia works like,so he sends him on a one-month trip to the Varia HQ.There Tsuna finds out that the group of assasins is not that bad.Please read and review.Suggestive themes later on.
1. Prologue

I don't own KHR,I'm just a fan,you don't sue. Got it?Hope so...

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It was another quiet day in the Sawada household. Or, that's what the future Vongola Tenth thought. For, once he entered the kitchen,he wished that he had never been born.

"VOOOOOIII!! You finally woke up, useless brat!" a loud and quite unwelcome man shouted.

Tsuna froze. "S-suberbi Squalo? Am I dreaming?" he asked, terrified.

"No, baka-Tsuna." Reborn said, landing a kick on Tsuna's head.

"Eeeeeep! What was that for Reborn! More importantly, why is a Varia officer here? He's going to kill me!!" the pathetic Tenth squeaked and hid under the kitchen table.

Squalo did a scary face and leaned under the table, resulting to Tsuna letting out his favourite 'eeeeeeep!' and shrinking to the other edge of the table. "I'd love to tear your head off, but no. There is a direct order from the Ninth, that you'll have to spend a month with the Varia as part of your training, you lousy brat." Squalo stated, frowning. He had no difficulty in facing the hardest missions, but staying with the wimp that caused their defeat was more than he could handle.

While Tsuna was busy having a seizure, the yellow Arcobaleno smirked. "It will be good for him to spend some time along with the real thing. Have you guys created a training program for him yet?"

Squalo shook his head negatively. "Not yet. You wanna help, infant?"

The baby hitman thought for a second, before smirking maliciously. "No. But I'll recommend to you the person to be his new home tutor..." he said lowly and took a check book out of his pocket. Scribbling down a number with too many zeros for its own good, he ripped it and handed it to the swordsman, still smirking. Then he took a notebook out of his pocket and wrote down a few instructions. "Give the check to him. Along with this note."

The silver-haired man understood who the check and note were going to, and gulped. "The brat will not get out alive..." he murmured.

"Oh, he will." Rebron assured Squalo. 'Barely.' He added mentally and his smirk turned into a full grin under his concealing hat.

Meanwhile, in the Varia HQ...

Levi was praying in his Xanxus shrine, when suddenly Lussuria came in, wearing a pink dress. "Levi-kuun!! How does it look on me?"

The ass-kisser's eye twitched. "Just like everything else you've tried on today. Ugly!"

The gay martial artist wasn't fazed at all. "Aww, don't try to hide your feelings, Levi-kun! You know you love it!" he said in his usual happy yet perverted tone.

Levi glared. "Shut up, I have an appointment and I have to go."

Lussuria pouted. "You're so dull!!What time is the appointment anyway?"

"... 5.00 pm. I don't wanna be late."

"It's only 10.00am.Ushishi, still obsessed with the time, aren't we? Well, I can be late anyway, because I'm a prince." Bel said as he entered the room. "Luss, that dress looks awful. It's totally not your colour. Try purple, or orange."

The -almost- sun guardian fawned over the tiara-wearing assassin. "How do you know everything Bel-chan??"

"That's because I'm a prince." Belphegor replied in his usual cocky tone.

"Boss seems in a bad mood today." Levi pointed out before leaving.

Both Lussuria and Belphegor turned subtly to observe their leader more closely. He looked angrier than usual, yet amused. 'That klutz can't even read emotions...' Belphegor thought. They stayed completely silent for a while, before Lussuria somehow found the courage, and asked their boss why he was so quiet. The reply was a box thrown at his head and a small sigh. "The Sawada brat is coming here. That trash is going to spend a month with the Varia officers. It was the old man's order."

Belphegor was the first one to recover from the shock, and laughed creepily. "Ushishishi, things are going to get interesting...That little brat should die..." he hissed as he played with one of his knives.

Xanxus nodded in agreement. "That trash will pay.

Back in the Sawada household...

Squalo had already left, after spitting out a long string of curses at poor little Tsuna, who was now reluctantly packing his things. At first, he was completely opposite to the idea, but that was before Reborn threatened him that if he disobeyed a direct order from the Ninth, he would be killed at once. "Oi, Reborn... Will those guys really hurt me?"

The Arcobaleno shrugged. "Who knows. But I'm sure they keep quite a grudge. Don't be surprised if Xanxus shoots at you randomly."

"Eeeeh!!What am I going to do? I'll die for sure! " he shouted, and banged his head on a table. Reborn smacked him across the head.

"Don't worry, baka-Tsuna. Your personal trainer there will make sure that you stay alive."

Tsuna gulped. "P-personal trainer? Who is he?"

Smirking, Reborn spoke again. "You'll find out once the time comes."

The future Vongola Tenth's eyes widened and he felt his stomach doing backflips."That doesn't sound good..." he said, and sank to the ground, in a terrified state.

"It's not that bad, see it as a vacation!" Reborn said teasingly.

--

A couple of days later, Sawada Tsunayoshi was heading to his death- no, vacation. The flight was as pleasant as it could be ,but the trouble started at the Italian airport. As Tsuna got down from the plane, he spotted a few familiar figures and twitched in fear. It wasn't every day that two Varia members came to pick him up after all. Whatsmore, no one seemed to pay any attention to the huge humanoid weapon that accompanied them.

"It's that creepy guy with the tiara...and that damn robot... and that sunglasses guy...or maybe girl. Eeeep! I don't want to go! I'll run away!" he squeaked and looked around frantically, trying to find a way to escape.

Before he could run away though, a hand grabbed him by the back of his collar. "Ushishishi...Where do you think you're going, hm?"

Tsuna froze and did not reply for a while, afraid that the psychopath might turn him into a not so- living cactus. After gathering some courage in him, and making sure that his dying will pills were still there, he finally spoke. Or better, stuttered. "No-nowhere. I-I was just...L-looking around."

"Is that so? Because it looked much like you wanted to run. And if you try to run away, I will kill you personally...Ushishishi..."

Tsuna looked down and nodded. "I know..."

After those... clarifications were made, they all headed to the Varia HQ. 'Wow...It's even creepier than I thought...' Tsuna thought as he stared at the huge black castle.

"Ok, I don't get why it has to be all black! Why don't we add a bit of pink, or maybe light green? It would be like, much prettier and stuff!" Lussuria said enthusiastically.

Tsuna and Belphegor stared at the fruity Varia. "...No." Belphegor replied, after a long pause, while Tsuna simply continued to stare. 'I think I overestimated these guys...'

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That's all for now!The new chapter will be on asap. Please review,and the one who guesses right about the new teacher gets an e-cookie. -Throws love-


	2. First day in hell

I don't own KHR.

You guys are awesome!!Eleven reviews only for the prologue??Thanks!! -throws love and cookies-

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As Tsuna walked in the huge castle, he noticed something creepy. "W-why are there no lights in this place?"

"Isn't it obvious? To create a dark atmosphere. We're assasins after all." Lussuria replied and walked forward, while Bel ran a knife up and down Tsuna's back.

He leaned into the kid's ear and whispered, "Let's go see the boss, ne?"

Tsuna gulped and nodded, rushing after the martial artist in order to get away from the psycho prince.

A few terrifying minutes later, the team reached a huge black door. Belphegor knocked and entered, Lussuria and Gola Mosca following. Tsuna stayed outside, praying to whatever god existed that he was dreaming and he would wake up at Reborn electrocuting him. But, he had made a name out of being unlucky, so as he opened his eyes,all he could see was a shotgun placed on his head. He shivered. "Xa-Xanxus?"

The gun was taken away from his head as Xanxus frowned. "I lost to such a weakling... You're going to pay for what you did to my name kid..." he said,as he prepared his flames.

"Boss. Please don't kill him yet. It wouldn't be beneficial. And anyway, killing him while he's in such a weak state would be nothing but a disgrace to your name." A new voice was heard.

Everyone turned to the darkest corner of the room, to see the creepiest infant alive, coming out of the shadows. "It's that Arcobaleno..." Tsuna muttered.

"Sawada. I will be your new private tutor." Mammon said, while fingering a very familiar check in his pocket.

Xanxus gaped for a millisecond. "Who decided that?" he asked threateningly.

"A certain man that wishes to keep himself unidentified, has offered me quite an amount of money to keep this pathetic boy in shape. And, if any of you murders him, he'll follow the brat in hell." he replied, throwing invisible glances at the other Varia members.

Lussuria pouted. "Aww, you never let me have any fun!"

"Ushishi, Luss, he only said 'murder'. Which means we can do anything as long as he doesn't die..." Belphegor grinned and threw a knife, singing off a bit of Tsuna's hair.

The poor Vongola Decimo freaked out and ran out of the room. "Where do you think you're going?" an echoing voice followed him. He tried to open a door, but ended up staring at Xanxus again. Screaming, he did a 180 turn, and ran to another door, but as long as he opened it ,he was back in the first room.

A few doors and screams later, he stopped. "What the hell is going on?"

"You can't even see through this? You're more pathetic than I thought." Marmon said, materializing right in front of him and landing a kick on his foot.

Tsuna groaned in pain. "What was that for!"

"For being an idiot." the Arcobaleno replied without a bit of hesitation. "Anyway, today Lussuria will show you around. Then you'll have dinner with the rest of us. Go."

The Varia Guardian of the Sun squaled in pure joy and took Tsuna by the hand,skipping away happily.

"Oi, Marmon. Wanna bet on something?" Bel asked, grinning maliciously.

"Depends on the bet." Marmon replied.

The prince nodded and explained between low chuckles. "The moment when we hear 'Save me!' The one who hits closer wins. I say it will be about...4 minutes. Winner gets 50 from everyone. Loser gets to do the dishes for a week."

"Hm, good thought. I say it will be... 2 minutes. Boss, Squalo, do you want in?" he asked, taking out a piece of paper and writing down the bets.

"Vooi, count me in! I say the brat will start screaming in thirty seconds!" Squalo said grinning like a madman.

Xanxus stayed quiet. There was no way for HIM, the Varia boss, to wash the dishes.

30 seconds later...

"Why isn't the brat screaming yet?" Squalo exclaimed, infuriated.

1 minute 15 seconds later...

"You lose, Squalo. I guess it's us two left, Marmy..." Bel said, looking at his watch.

Marmon glared at the blonde. "Stop calling me that."

3 minutes later...

"Kyaaaaah!! Save me!!" Tsuna's voice was heard, as Lussuria was trying to put him in an orange skirt... and matching underwear.

The four Varia members in the room stared at each other. "I guess we'll have to split the money in half. And Squalo, you get the dishes. Just...try not to get your hair in the sink. Ushishishi..."

The silver-haired swordsman fumed."Don't get the uniform dirty as well, I just bought them." Xanxus added.

Marmon left the room in a hurry, to make sure his new student wouldn't get raped by that sunglasses freak. 'It's going to be a long month...But who cares, I get paid for it.'

After the "tour" was done with, Tsuna was reluctantly following Lussuria to the dining room. "Do I really have to eat with you guys?"

"Aww, don't be like that!" the orange haired Varia moaned. "We all want to see you...run our hands up and down your pretty flame-filled body..." he said, almost drooling on the boy's shoulder, much to his terror.

"Why are you using plural, Lussuria? Only you want those kinds of things, pervert." Marmon pointed out, appearing out of nowhere. "Now, Sawada. Run to the dining room along with Lussuria. If you're not there earlier than him, there will be no dessert."

Tsuna yelped. "Wha-?It's impossible!" he complained,as Lussuria got ready to run at full speed.

Marmon ignored him completely. "Go," he said and Lussuria took off, leaving a small cloud of dust behind. Tsuna sighed and ran behind him, trying to catch up.

About ten minutes and three wrong turns later, Tsuna finally reached the dining room. The doors were closed, and an ominous feeling was coming from inside. Gathering up his courage, he walked in, only to have a flame shot at him. "Heey!!That might have gotten us, you bastard!" Squalo yelled at his boss.

Xanxus' immediate reaction was to throw a wine glass at Squalo. "Shut up Sharky."

Squalo fumed from his ears, but stayed quiet, as well as everyone else in the room. Seconds later, a childish yet dead serious voice was heard. "Why were you late, Sawada?"

Tsuna put his hands in front of his face trying to deflect the accusation. "Well, it's not my fault that Lussuria-san has decided that putting me in a skirt meant showing me around!!"

"Don't try to defend yourself. Your intuition and fighting skills when not in dying will mode are pathetic, and it's yours and that Reborn's fault for taking it easy on you." Marmon replied sharply. "You were once our opponent, and you're not allowed to be weak.It makes us, the Varia look weak. I'm not going to stand by and watch our reputation being ruined like that."

"Weren't you only concerned about your money?" Bel asked, dumbfounded at the baby's speech.

Marmon shrugged. "I still am. But since I already have the money, I can also concentrate on more trivial things."

Squalo almost sweatdropped. 'He believes that his money is more important than our reputation...What an idiot...'

"So. Eat now Sawada, because tomorrow, you're starting a new training schedule." The Arcobaleno completed, a dangerous feeling in his words.

The 10th Vongola boss sat down in the only available seat, between Bel and Lussuria. He spent the rest of the dinner dodging kisses and knifes,and praying that the next day wouldn't be too hard...

But fate has made a name out of being a bitch, hasn't it?

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So,how was it?Like it?Hate it? Please review!!


	3. Training Day 1

I own KHR. Also, I own a private jet, thirty marshmallows, and a real lightsaber. NOT.

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Tsuna awoke, to find himself in his bed. Reborn was sleeping soundly next to him, and he could hear Lambo and I-pin from downstairs. "It was all a dream!!"

"What was a dream?" Reborn asked, waking up as well.

"Nothing...now, let's get to training, Reborn!!"

Reborn cocked his head to the side. "What are you talking about? What training?"

The boy's eyes widened. "To become the Tenth, Reborn! What else?"

"I have no idea of what you're talking about," the baby replied.

Tsuna stayed quiet for a second, thinking. 'Reborn would never say that. Oh god. It's a dream. It's a damn dream!' he inwardly cried and closed his eyes. 'That means I'll get back to them once I open my eyes...Noooo!!'

The boy's eyes flew open, to meet a pair of grayish blue ones staring at him accompanied with an insane grin. "Kyaaaah!!"

Squalo wacked him across the head. "Shut up, you lousy brat. Get dressed and join us in the kitchen."

Tsuna nodded and got dressed as fast as possible, trying not to piss off the long-haired Varia member.

In the kitchen ,the Varia officers were having breakfast quietly. Well, as quietly as they could. Xanxus was gulping down whiskey nonstop, trying to calm his nerves, as Squalo went on and on about his fight with the sword emperor while washing the dishes wearing Lussuria's favourite pink apron, in order to annoy his boss. Bel was busy building a complex trap for Tsuna, while Lussuria was moaning about gaining weight and asking what diet he should follow. Marmon... wait a sec... Where was Marmon? Xanxus seemed to notice the same thing. "Oi, you trash. Where is shorty?"

Squalo shrugged. "I haven't seen Marmon since yesterday night..."

Bel smirked. He had seen the baby last night, but...

_The psycho prince was walking around the hallways, not able to sleep. Smiling, he decided to pay his Arcobaleno colleague a visit. _

_Knocking on the infant's door, he waited until a quite deep voice was heard. "Don't come in, Bel."_

_Never being one to obey any kind of order, Belphegor entered the room to see a grown, hooded man standing in the middle of the room. His back was turned and he was dressed in an outfit that looked suspiciously like the infant's. Being the genius he is thought to be, Bel figured it out in a second. "So that's who you really are." The man turned around,to reveal a pair of dark blue eyes. _

"_I did it. I finally found the way." He said, a small smirk playing on his face. "I broke the curse." _

_Bel's grin got wider. "How are you going to explain this to the boss?" _

"_I won't explain it. I'll simply walk in the room." The Arcobaleno replied calmly.  
_

The prince chuckled at the memory and continued stacking Tabasco bottles around the door. "What have you been making all this time Bel-chan?" Lussuria asked.

"Wait and see." The teenager replied.

Squalo raised an eyebrow. "Vooooi! Tell us what you're doing! You have used half the things in the room, to build... something around the door. And anyway, why the heck are you using Levi's Discovery channel porn DVDs, Tabasco, lamps, the large painting in the living room, dried flowers and Lussuria's ballet diplomas to make a trap?"

Belphegor waved dismissively. "A prince like me can't afford to waste time explain his reasoning to simpletons like you."

"What did you say you little bastard?" Squalo shouted, whipping his artificial arm around, and trying to look threatening inside a cloud of bubbles.

"What you heard, Captain Hook." Bel replied,grinning even wider.

They got ready to strike each other, when two glasses found their way to both Squalo's and Belphegor's heads. "Shut up both of you! Now, Belphegor, continue whatever you were doing, and Squalo, go check on the brat. If he doesn't come down right now, he's getting a bullet in his skull." Xanxus ordered threateningly. 'And his gloves up his ass.' He added to himself. Squalo nodded, took off his apron, and left the room.

Seconds later, a tall hooded figure entered the kitchen. He stopped in his tracks and stared at the prince's... unique trap. Calculating for a few seconds, he spoke. "It won't work Bel. He's wearing white today."

Everyone in the room was staring at the newcomer, wondering who he was, and what the hell he was talking about. Bel though, seemed to understand. "Really? That's a shame...However. If I put the Tabasco a bit more to the..."

Bel never got to finish his sentence, as Sawada Tsunayoshi came in the room in a rather unorthodox way. By flying through the closed doors and landing face-first on the table right in front of Xanxus that is. Squalo came through the door behind him, his smile fading at the scene.

Everyone stayed completely quiet for a few seconds. The thought that crossed everyone's mind was 'There goes the kitchen.' And how right they were. "You little...No, it's not your fault... That angel-shark." Xanxus hissed, and stood, grinning insanely and pulling out his guns.

Squalo gulped. "Boss... calm down..." he almost squeaked, as he backed off, preparing his sword.

Marmon simply walked forth and took the Vongola Tenth away from the oncoming storm, walking out, and signalling to the rest of the Varia to take advantage of the few moments before Xanxus went on a rampage.

Just as Lussuria walked out of the room, Xanxus lifted his guns, and started shooting at the swordsman, laughing manically. "You trash! I'm going to eradicate you from the face of the earth!!" he exclaimed,furious.

After Xanxus' little outburst, all that was left of the kitchen and nearby rooms, was a lone wall. Squalo had ended up with two broken ribs and multiple second degree burns. The rest of the Varia avoided most of the damage, ending up only with scratches. They were now in the living room,staring at each other, and, in a certain one's case, scribbling down on a note frantically. "Okay, this will cost around 30,000 euros. Well done! Here goes a month of hard work... It's good that I got insurance for the kitchen, or else." The hooded man announced, twitching in annoyance.

"Oh yeah, in this entire mess, I didn't ask. Who the hell are you supposed to be?" Squalo asked while taking some painkillers.

The now grown man sighed. "Your observational skills are those of a cockroach after all... It's me you idiot, Marmon."

Everything stopped for a while. Crickets chirped. "Eh... How did you grow up?" Lussuria asked.

"You don't need to know that. Now, Sawada!" he called out.

Tsuna gulped and stood. "Yes?"

" Go with Lussuria for physical training." The Arcobaleno ordered and pulled a book out of nowhere.

Lussuria pouted. "Hey, did you even ask me about this?"

Marmon turned to look at the ambiguously male Varia with dead calm eyes. "Are there any objections?" he said slowly and threateningly. You could practically feel the room's temperature dropping. No one spoke. "Thought so. Now go."

Tsuna and Lussuria nodded and ran out of the room. "Shishishishi, when did you get so scary?"

Marmon smirked. "It's just the size change."

In the gym, Lussuria had started his lecture on how important it was for Tsuna to be physically powerful. After about twenty boring minutes, he paused and cleared his neck. "Ahem. Do five hundred push-ups my dear."

"What? There's no way!" Tsuna objected.

"Oh, if you don't want to we can have some quality time together..." Lussuria suggested hopefully.

"No,nonono! I prefer the push-ups for now!" Tsuna said with a nervous laugh and fell on the floor, starting to do push-ups, and occasionally falling. Lussuria slipped under the boy, a lecherous grin on his face. "W-what are you doing, Lussuria-san?"

The green-haired man shrugged."It's just to give you a pace. One, two, three, four! One, two, three, four!"

500 push-ups, 1000 sit-ups and 10 miles of running later, Tsuna was heading to the dining room, where he collapsed on a chair. "What is there for dinner?" he asked, his eyes unfocused and only half-open.

"Chicken and fries. Bel made it." Marmon replied.

The aforementioned prince grinned smugly. "Indeed. And it's fresh, I just killed the chicken."

Tsuna raised an eyebrow. 'I never thought that psychopath could cook...' he thought and took some food into his plate. Pinning a little chicken with his fork, he brought it slowly to his mouth and tasted it. His expression changed into a delighted one and he started gulping down his meal eagerly.

The rest of the Varia shared an amused expression. "That runt..." Xanxus murmured before digging in as well.

Once they were all done eating, Marmon cleared his throat. "Your schedule for tomorrow, Sawada. Breakfast first, then you have target practise with Bel ,lunch, and then you follow me for our training. Understood?"

"Yes." Tsuna replied.

Squalo shot up, grinning like the nutjob he is. "Vooooi!! When will the brat get to train with me?"

Xanxus, annoyed by the noise, threw a plate at Squalo's ever-moving head. "Just shut up."

Later that night, when everyone went to sleep, Tsuna couldn't stop cursing at Reborn in his thoughts. 'Why did he do this to me? That little insane mafioso..."

Far ,far away, a certain yellow Arcobaleno sneezed multiple times. "Reborn-chan! Have you gotten a cold?" Nana asked, worried.

"No..." the infant replied, smirking evilly. 'Hope you're having a good time there, dame-Tsuna...'

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So, that's it for now! Sorry for taking so long to update,but I had work to do. "


	4. Training Day 2

I don't own KHR. Thanks for the reviews everyone! I'm really happy that you took the time to review! And I'm sorry for not updating as well, I have so many things to do...-.-"

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The next few days passed with no major problems. Bel was killing time annoying Tsuna, and tutoring the poor boy in the art of middle range attacks. And,as always, his methods were a bit unorthodox, for he made Tsuna use him as a target.

"B-but Belphegor-san! I can't do that!" Tsuna stuttered. 'Moreover, if I were to hit him, he'd bleed and go insane!'

For the aforementioned reason, Tsuna did his best to deliberately miss. However, being the unlucky person he is, one of the knives Bel gave him hit the blonde's arm.

Suddenly, the atmosphere changed. Bel started to giggle in glee, while Tsuna reached into his pockets for his dying will pills and x-gloves. "Kushishishi... my blood..." he hissed and lunged at Tsuna.

After the blonde got a few broken bones, multiple third degree burns, and after being threatened with X-guns, swords and umbrellas, the Prince finally stopped his rampage.

"You really need to stop doing this, Bel-chan! We'll run completely out of bandages!" Lussuria, the friendliest of the group moaned, while bandaging Belphegor's arm.

"Heh, it was all part of the training. The kid is good you know."

Lussuria sighed dreamily. "Ah! He's more than good! He's the hottest little thing I've ever seen! Not quite my type, but sooo cute."

Bel blinked under his bangs. "I know that you know that I was talking about his abilities."

The multi-colored-haired man ignored him completely. "Oh my god! Who's going to cook now that you're injured honey?"

Belphegor's grin became even more sinister. "Take a wild guess."

...

About an hour later...

Squalo was fuming from every pore available in his body, as he chopped vegetables. "Vooi! Why the heck did he choose me?Can't the fruitcake or the runt cook?"

Xanxus walked in the kitchen and took a beer out of the fridge. "Stop the bitching. You sound like a PMSing woman."

The long haired Varia member blushed and turned to face his boss. "Hey, you're not the one that blond brat chose to cook in his place!"

Xanxus snorted and walked closer to his subordinate, trapping him between his body and a counter behind him. "Trash. I knew you couldn't even do something this petty."

Squalo took a step back, only to bump on the counter. "Hey, stop this!"

"Stop what?" Xanxus teased, his breath tingling Squalo's face.

"_That_, you bastard!" Squalo replied, making vain attempts to push the other away. "At least not here." He added lowly and carefully.

Xanxus' mouth turned into a straight line and he took a few steps back. Taking a sip from his beer, he spoke. "I'll need you for a private emergency meeting in my office tonight."

Squalo's blush got darker and he nodded, concentrating on his vegetables. When Xanxus finally got out of hearing range, Marmon entered the room, snickering. "Ah, young love! Isn't it a marvel?"

Squalo's eyes widened momentarily. 'He heard all that? Damn this ESP bastard...' Looking down while slicing a cucumber with his sword, he spoke. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Why yes you do. And if you don't want the entire Vongola to know disgusting and embarrassing details, deposit five S-rank fees into my account. You know my number!" he said in a borderline singsong voice, and left the room. Squalo resisted the urge to hang himself and ended up doing the next best thing. Slicing the counter in two.

...

In the afternoon, with Tsuna and Marmon...

"Okay Sawada, there are three steps in seeing through illusions. First, concentrate and stay calm. Second, realize what the illusion actually is, and third, deny it." Marmon said, beginning the lesson.

Tsuna nodded. "It sounds easy enough." He said.

"If you think so. Now, try opening that door." The Arcobaleno gestured to a wooden door to their left.

Tsuna obeyed hesitantly. Turning the handle slowly, he closed his eyes, getting ready to face the monsters, or whatever. Behind the door was... Kokuyo land? The room where Tsuna fought his first serious fight. And Mukuro was sitting on that same couch, chuckling creepily as he always did. Tsuna's eyes widened, and he rushed back to the door, only to discover it wasn't there. He gasped and let out a loud 'Eek!'.

Mukuro stood from his seat and took out his trident. "Sawada Tsunayoshi. This is the time when I possess you."

Tsuna squeaked in panic, and tried to run away from the psychopath. "Leave me alone!" he shouted at him, before halting. 'Wait... This is an illusion. But... he's so real...' he thought.

"Pathetic." Marmon's voice was heard, and Kokuyo land shattered, to reveal an empty, white room. "Remember what I just said? The first step is not to panic, you idiot."

"I know! But the person you chose always makes me feel uneasy!" Tsuna replied, shivering at Mukuro's memory. "Kinda think of it, how did you know what Kokuyo land looks like?"

"Hn. I know everything." Marmon replied.

Tsuna face faulted. "That's illogical and impossible."

"Seriously. I am a 'guide' character after all. I explain everything to the viewers." He stated, winking at an odd angle.

Tsuna blinked. 'Is he insane?' "What character and viewers are you talking about?" he asked, confused.

Marmon dismissed him with a nod. "You don't need to know yet. Now go, we're done for the day."

"But... I haven't done anything!" Tsuna replied, dumbfounded.

"Exactly. It's useless to train you under these conditions. I'll spend too much power, and you'll just stay caught up in your imaginations. Let's go and have dinner."

Little did they both know, that night, a horrible power was released. For, the Fourth Wall cracked. And it might destroy the balance between the parallel universes.

Xanxus was in a bad mood. And that resulted to a relatively quiet dinner.

...Until Gola Mosca malfunctioned. For the fifth time that month. Everyone in the room jumped off their chairs, as Tsuna was thrown out of the room. "Stay there." Marmon said, shutting the door and turning to face the robot shooting everything in its range.

Xanxus had already taken out his guns and was shooting at its armor, while Squalo was trying his luck on the robot with his sword. Lussuria was currently hunted by a laser beam, and was letting out high-pitched screams, while Bel was dodging the humanoid weapon's shots.

Tsuna heard sickening sounds from the room, metal clanks and sensed the flames inside the room. After a few minutes of wincing at the screams coming from inside, the door opened. "Hey, you runt! Get into hyper dying will and come in here to break this thing!" Squalo shouted, and closed the door again. Tsuna did 

as he was told and entered the room, immediately dodging a few missiles. Lighting up his gloves, he ran forward, ready to punch that piece of junk into oblivion.

...

After that little incident was over, the entire Varia was sitting in the living room healing their wounds. "This isn't nice... Mosca-chan's head was blown clean off..." Lussuria said, while trying to fit the robot's head to its monstrous torso.

"Who has been working on the Mosca's upgrades?" Xanxus asked, downing a glass of whiskey.

"Giannini I think." Squalo replied. "Marmon should know..." he said and turned to the arcobaleno.

The sight that greeted him wasn't pretty. Marmon's hood was covering his entire face, and he was shaking. "10, 000, 000 for repairs..." he chanted over and over again, at the edge of madness.

"Eh...He's not available." Tsuna said, waving a hand over his face.

"Great! Now I have a destroyed, an injured and a traumatized subordinate. At times like these I wish Levi was here." Xanxus -who had decided that glasses weren't enough and was now drinking straight from the whiskey bottle- said, annoyed as hell.

* * *

Okay, dear readers! I'm going to make a special! In this special, the fourth wall breaks, and some of you will be able to enter the world of KHR! Just give me a description, who you want to interact with the most, and anything else you need to specify, and you will soon be talking to Tsuna and the Varia!;)


	5. The Beach and News from Home

And here is chapter 5!Sorry for the delay, but I'm too busy trying to not have a life. XD Or simply, I'm procrastinating because of mini writer's block.

Disclaimer: I don't own KHR. Amano Akira does.

This chapter is told in Tsuna's POV, because I just wanted to concentrate a bit more on him. :D

* * *

"VOOI! Brat, wake the hell up, we're going to the beach!"

That wild cry replaced my alarm clock that dreaded morning. It had already been a week after I was brought to the Varia HQ for... vacation. Yeah right, probably Reborn was getting tired of torturing me himself and sent me to these nutjobs. I'll need many years of therapy after I'm done with this. Anyway, back to the point.

After I recovered from the shock of being woken up like this, Squalo's words started to sink in. "T-the beach?" I stuttered, terrified.

"Yes." He replied scornfully. And who could blame him, I would feel pretty bad myself, if was stuck in swimming shorts with shark prints over them, and a swimming rubber cap with a shark's fin stuck on top. I would laugh, if I wasn't afraid that he'd kick my ass. I later learned that Bel stuck it there while he wasn't looking.

I was glad that I brought swimming trunks with me, even though I didn't think I'd use them. I got dressed swiftly, and walked to the living room. That room is so creepy... Filled with black furniture, and there are even some skulls in there. Marmon assured me that they were real, since he believed that fakes would be a waste of money, which didn't help much with changing my mind about it.

Shocked pretty much sums up my feelings at the time I entered the room. Six of the seven Varia officers were there, each one in a very...unique attire.

Lussuria was in an orange, frilly, tiny bikini which didn't shock me that much. What did shock me though, was that Levi A Than was in a matching pink one, and emanating a murderous aura. It probably was the most disgusting and funniest thing I've ever seen. How did Lussuria manage to make him wear it, anyway? I decided to tear my eyes away from the disturbing picture and look at the others instead.

Belphegor looked pretty normal, in his crown-printed swimming trunks, while Marmon didn't look like he was going to the beach at all, as he was in his normal attire, hood included. Doesn't this guy ever show himself?!

Gola Mosca was by far the most unorthodox thing ever, besides Levi. The humanoid robot was stuffed inside a small rubber boat, and was wearing a kid's sea goggles instead of the usual huge creepy ones. I can guess it was Lussuria's idea.

I was simply staring at the scene in front of me, when Marmon chose the time to talk. "Lussuria has been pleading us for a month, so we decided to do this because of his moaning. Levi is dressed like this because Lussuria glued it on him. " he deadpanned, but I could see the small smirk playing on his lips, as well as the mini camera in his hand. These pictures are currently on the net, because Levi refused to pay.

"Eh...okay. C-can we go now? Please?" I stuttered, uncomfortable. Way to go Tsuna. Show them who's boss. And yes, I am being sarcastic. "And...where is Xanxus?"

"The bastard is waiting for us at the car. He insisted on driving." Squalo said, and waled out of the room, or tried to, for the shark fin struck the door, and he was forced to bend over.

If it wasn't so pathetic, I would laugh. I grimaced in sympathy and walked out of the room as well, along with Marmon and Mosca. A few minutes later, I saw Lussuria with a semi-conscious Levi thrown over his shoulder. He's not the Guardian of the Sun for nothing after all.

"Vooi, I'll sit at the front!" Squalo exclaimed, raising his mechanical fist.

"No! I get shotgun! I have to protect the boss at all costs!" Levi retorted threateningly.

Lussuria disagreed with both of them. "None of you will sit at the front! I want to be closer to the boss!"

As the three continued to argue, I caught Marmon strolling over to the front of the car, opening the door and sitting down, completely calm. I sweatdropped as the three hadn't noticed it yet, and continued their pointless argument. Until Xanxus decided to shut them up himself. He took out a pair of guns attached to his swimming trunks, and pointed them at their heads. Lussuria, Levi and Squalo halted, and took their seats in the back, along with Bel. Mosca would follow on foot. I was brutally thrown in the trunk. And I'm not happy about it. But what to do, I can't stuff dying will pills in my shorts.

You do realise these are water guns, right?" Marmon turned to them, smirking. They stared at him. Then at Xanxus. Then at the guns. Squalo stifled a laugh, while the other two simply continued to stare.

* * *

"We've ran out of gas." Xanxus deadpanned. Not losing a second, he got out of the car and I saw him giving Gola Mosca instructions.

Seconds later, I felt myself being lifted up. Not only that, I also felt dizzy after slipping from the one edge of the truck to the other. "W-what's going on?" I asked, terrified.

"Isn't it painfully obvious? We're being lifted by Mosca." Bel replied, chuckling creepily.

I yelped. "I don't want to! Get me out of here!"

Xanxus turned to glare at me. "Shut it you runt. You think I care about what you want?"

Well, you should! I would be Vongola 10th after all. Yes, after all this I have given up on trying to deny it. I'll become a mafia boss whether I like it or not. Of course, I would never say that out loud, in front of Xanxus nonetheless. Instead, I resorted to a simpler and far less satisfying reply. "Y-yes." I could almost hear him smirk.

After a relatively calm, yet bumpy journey, we arrived to the beach. It was beautiful. I took in a deep breath and smiled slightly, forgetting all about the Varia, and daydreaming about a calm life with Kyoko-chan... Kyoko-chan... I wonder how she's doing.

"Oh, Sawada, I forgot to tell you , you have mail." Marmon pulled me out of my daydream, handing me a folder. I nodded in acknowledgement and opened it.

_Dear Dame-Tsuna_

_If you are able to read this letter, you're doing fine. I hope that you're getting along with Viper. _

_Anyway, I'm writing to tell you that Kyoko-san eloped with Haru. Her brother is currently looking everywhere for them. He said not to worry, because he'd find them and knock some sense into Kyoko once he does. Also, Chrome decided to drop by, and she sends her regards to you and Viper, along with Mukuro's._

_Hibari's been asking about where you are and when you'll be coming back, so he can "bite you to death". Gokudera has been anxious since you left, and he's starting to annoy me. Yamamoto says hello to Squalo, and wants them to spar. You have kisses from Mama and Bianchi. The stupid cow and I-pin miss you. _

_Please stay alive and do not reply to this letter, _

_Reborn _

"N-no way..." I managed out and fainted.

About a minute later, I awoke to find the entire Varia staring at me, and Bel poking me with one of his knives, just enough to sting. Trying to forget about the terrible news, I spoke. "Marmon-san, you have regards from Rokudo Mukuro and Chrome Dokuro-san."

I saw the Arcobaleno twitch, and nod. "Okay." He said, and headed to the nearby beach bar.

"Squalo, Yamamoto says hello, and he wants to spar with you." I continued, turning to the long-haired Varia member.

Squalo grinned. "I'd be happy to kick that brat's ass any day!" he shouted, and ran to the sea, along with the rest of the Varia.

"Oi, Octupus!" Bel called Levi over.

Levi's eyes widened and he stared at Bel. "Octupus?"

"Yes. Is that thing you're wearing supposed to compliment you? Because you look impossibly ugly."

"Shut up you brat!" was his intelligent retort.

Bel's grin became even more homicidal than usual. "How did you just call me?" he asked dangerously, taking a knife out of his shorts' pocket.

Xanxus found that time to step in. "Both of you, shut up." He deadpanned, splashing them both with his water guns.

I hesitantly walked into the water, when I saw a shark fin coming towards me. I let out a scream and ran for my life. The rest of the Varia shared an amused expression.

"That Squalo. Always taking advantage of anything." Lussuria said, smiling. The others nodded, and realisation struck. It was Squalo. I sighed, and went back into the water, relaxing.

* * *

A few hours later, I had almost forgotten about Kyoko-chan, and was heading back to the Varia estate. Squalo was happy after terrorizing the entire beach, Lussuria had got two new guys for his collection (they were in the trunk, so I had to move to the front, Levi was sulking, Xanxus was...himself, while Marmon had spent a great day at the beach bar, stealing everyone's money with the help of his illusions. I on the other hand, had my mind set on Reborn's letter. So I decided to ask someone who probably knew Reborn better. "Eh... Marmon-san? Can I ask you something?"

"Yes Sawada. What is it?"

I tried to find the right words. "Eh... Has Reborn always been a prankster?"

I could swear I heard him chuckle. After a bit of silence, he spoke. "Reborn... Yes, you could say that he was a born prankster. And I have helped him with his pranks as well. For blackmail purposes, of course."

I nodded at his reply. "I see." Could it be a lie? Just to see how I would handle it? Or was it true... Kyaaah! I don't know anymore!

_Far, far away from there, a certain pineapple-head and a baby hitman were laughing their heart out. "Think he'll buy it?" Reborn asked, wiping a tear and letting out a few chuckles._

_Mukuro nodded. "Of course he will."_

* * *

And that's all for chapter 5. Sorry if it's not as good as the other ones. O.o Please review!!:D


	6. The Guardians' Visit

Marmon: The author doesn't own KHR. Of course she doesn't, she doesn't have the money to buy it.

Me: Oh, stop rubbing it in.

Reborn: No chickens were harmed in the making of this chapter. Levi however was.

* * *

The next morning, Tsuna headed to the kitchen, to get breakfast. He halted in front of the closed doors. 'Something's off. There are many people in the room...more than usual.' he thought, and placed his hand on the door. After taking a deep breath, he pushed the door open and looked around. "What the-"

"TENTH!" A very familiar and quite welcome voice was heard, and Tsuna's view was blocked by Gokudera's blinding smile.

Tsuna was in shock. "Gokudera-kun? What are you doing here?" he asked in disbelief, thinking he was dreaming.

"We're allowed to visit you, so Reborn-san got us all plane tickets!" Gokudera beamed. "How are you feeling? Did those bastards dare to touch you? Answer me, Tenth!" he questioned Tsuna anxiously, while examining him for any bruises or scratches.

"N-no Gokudera-kun... I'm fine." Tsuna said, and walked past Gokudera to see his guardians in the Varia kitchen. He fainted on the spot.

"TENTH!" Gokudera screamed.

"Ushishishi... I'm a prince, I won't allow you to 'bite me to death', you commoner." Belphegor said in his creepy ,childish voice, and grinned.

Hibari merely smirked back and pulled out his tonfas. "We'll see about that." He didn't seem to notice Tsuna at all.

Xanxus was sitting close to Chrome, since she was the most quiet of the bunch, and seemed smarter than the rest, while Reborn was discussing family matters (yeah right, they were gossiping like schoolgirls) with Marmon, completely unfazed by his student's entrance.

"So, I heard that Lal had slept with Colonello before you-know-when." Marmon whispered.

Reborn turned to stare at him. "No way. The weakling? With Lal? Don't make me laugh."

"Seriously, I heard it from an old COMBUSIN officer." He retorted with a mocking smirk.

The yellow Arcobaleno chuckled. "I'm going to ask Colonello myself."

Marmon shrugged and leaned back to his chair. "So, how's it going with Poison Scorpion?"

"Nothing is up. She's just obsessed with me." He said, but Marmon didn't miss the signs of denial.

Meanwhile, Squalo and Yamamoto had retreated to the training room, which would probably need repairs very shortly.

"Voooi! Katana-brat! You've gotten better! I like it!" Squalo said, while blocking an attack.

Yamamoto simply smiled and attacked again, but he was stopped by... Ryohei? The Vongola Sun Guardian passed between them, running for dear life (and virginity). Lussuria was behind him, running in slow motion, with shojo sparkles around him.

"Ryoooooheeeei! Wait, my only love! Don't run away from me!"

Said boxer sped up. "No way! Get away from me you pervert! I said I'd only join you in an EXTREME boxing match!"

Far, far away from there...

"Haha! Lambo-san will never get caught by the likes of you!" a certain Vongola Thunder Guardian said, while running away from his Varia counterpart. He exited the building, laughing at Levi.

"Get back here you brat! I'm going to kill you! And then you'll be... dead!" he shouted at the 5-year-old Mafioso.

Lambo ignored him and sped up, heading to a fence. He started climbing it, ignoring the 'Keep out or die... horribly' signs and the clucking sounds from inside. Levi growled and kicked the fence, causing it to fall. Soon, the clucking got louder, and Levi was faced by a horde of chickens hunting the Vongola's thunder guardian. Before the guy could react, he had been ran over by the chickens, that headed straight into the building, along with Lambo.

Bel's heightened senses picked up a sound. 'No way... Who let my chickens go?' he thought, and stared at the door of the kitchen, his invisible eyes widened.

Hibari saw this as an opportunity to attack, and he prepared his tonfas. But before he could begin his 'biting to death' routine, the door collapsed under the weight of around fifty chickens and one cow-brat.

Everyone in the room stopped what they were doing to simply stare at the scene. HIbari twitched at the clucking noises, when a chicken somehow climbed on his head. He proceeded to bite the chicken to death with his tonfas. He cleared his throat and glared menacingly at everything in range. "Who is responsible for this?"

"I don't know. But I'm going to find out." Bel said, dodging chickens and walking out of the room, taking out a few knives in the process. Hibari nodded and followed landing hits on any chicken that got in the way. To put it bluntly, Levi was screwed.

Back in the room, Tsuna awoke, to find a white, pretty chicken staring at him. It cooed, tilting its head to the side. "Am I dead?" Tsuna asked the chicken. It blinked, and started to peck him with its beak.

"Ouch! Ouch! Hey, stop it!" Tsuna tried to shove it away, when a loud bang was heard, and the chicken exploded in a white mess of feathers.

"Don't you dare touch the Tenth again!" Gokudera's voice was heard from behind the explosion.

At the other edge of the room, Xanxus had taken out his guns, and was shooting at the chickens passing by, destroying the table and walls in the process. Reborn and Marmon acted like nothing had happened, and were still chatting idly.

"So, how are you doing with Tsuna?" Reborn asked, dodging a chicken coming from his left.

Marmon shrugged while elbowing another one behind him. "He's pathetic when not in dying will mode, just as you said. But he's starting to get better, gradually."

"Kufufu, what are you two babbling about?" Mukuro popped up between them.

Reborn turned to look at him. "Nothing much. Just talking about our useless student."

Mukuro's permanent smile split his face. "You know, I have some ideas about his training..." he whispered.

"Well, share them." Marmon said, smirking.

As the three were wrapped up in their conspiracy, Squalo and Yamamoto (who got bored of sparring after a while and decided to join the others) were trying to fend off the angry chickens with their swords, while Ryohei had been cornered by Lussuria, who was trying to undress him as soon as possible in a midst of colourful feathers, when...

"ENOUGH!" A calm, yet very annoyed voice was heard. And lo and behold, there was Tsuna, in Hyper Dying Will mode, X-gloves on, and a look that could make a ferocious tiger stop in its tracks.

Everything in the room halted. Even the chickens shut up and stayed still. Tsuna took a deep breath. "Stop this madness, before I kill you all. Lussuria! If you want to get it on with Ryohei, get a damn room! Squalo, Yamamoto! If you two had a bit of brains in that head of yours, then you'd know that fending off chickens isn't done with swords! You ruined tonight's dinner. Xanxus! Why don't you order your people correctly? It's your fault for this entire mess!"

Reborn, Mukuro and Marmon smirked in perverse pride. However, Tsuna wasn't done yet. "And you three! You're all smart enough to stop them! If you just decided to lift a finger instead of talking about who slept with who, then they would all have shut up and I'd be able to enjoy some time with my friends instead of trying to keep chickens away from my face!" he shouted, and punched the wall, causing it to collapse. Then he walked out of the room. "Gokudera-kun, come with me." He said, going back to normal.

In the kitchen, Lussuria, Ryohei, Xanxus, Squalo and Yamamoto stood still, while the other three were in hysterics. A chicken cooed, and jumped on Xanxus' arms. It was that time, when Hibari and Bel entered, pulling a bloody unconscious Levi by his legs.

...

"What's wrong?" Bel asked.

* * *

This chapter is dedicated to my dear friend XxKaiserxX, cause she supported me a lot with this story, and the chicken invasion was her idea to begin with.  
Please review.


	7. Intermission: The Documentary

Random announcer: Varia Vacation is filmed before a live studio audience.

Bel: Also, the only thing that belongs to this commoner are the chickens.

Me: Bitch, please! I could own you any time. But the chickens are good enough. –hugs chickens-

R.A.: Hey! Get out of my studio!-gets stabbed-

Me: Warning, this chapter has excessive amounts of Lussuria, and disgusting details about cooking. So, read at your own risk.

* * *

"Hello Vongola Famiglia! My name is Lussuria, but you can call me Luss! Today, I'm here to talk about a very special subject. And that is the Varia's cooking skills!" Lussuria said to a camera held by Gola Mosca.

"We have to observe every member in his natural habitat, and then interview them, so keep quiet!" he said, shushing the "viewers" with his pinky finger and smiling widely.

...

Lussuria's first victim was none other but the Varia's best cook, Prince the Ripper, who recently got the title Prince the Chicken Master. But that's a story for some other time." So! We're going to sneak inside Bel-chan's room and wait for him to come in! Ohohohoho!"

Lussuria had no problem in sneaking in, but Mosca... well, he didn't fit through the door. So, it was forced to get in through the huge windows.

Once they solved the problem, they had to think about how they would get out. The room was filled with thousands of traps. Every step was practically a death trap. As Lussuria hid in the closet, and Mosca did its best to fit in with the environment -which wasn't much, since the entire room was painted blood red, and filled with all kinds of deadly weapons and broken toys.

About a minute later, Bel walked in and turned on his stereo, metal music coming out of the speakers. He looked around. "Ushishi...Someone's been in the room. And he is still here." He said, turning to the closet. He noticed Mosca right in front of it. "The prince asks a question, and you better answer it. Why are you holding a camera? And why is Lussuria in my closet?"

"Aww, Bel-chan! How did you know?!" Lussuria moaned from inside the closet.

"Well, It's easy. No one else would act this stupid, maybe except Levi. But he'd get caught in the traps, so it has to be you."

Lussuria shrugged and walked out of the closet. "We're here to interview you!"

"About what?" he asked suspiciously.

"Your cooking secrets of course!" the fabulous green-haired man replied.

Bel thought for a second. "Alright. What do you want to know?"

"Well...Everything?" was Lussuria's reply.

"Ushishi...That would take too long...the prince would get bored. I'll tell you the most important parts. First, if the dish includes meat, it should be fresh. Or in other words, to make a hamburger, you should kill the cow ten minutes before you start cooking. Also, put as many spices in as possible. Covers the nasty parts and completely destroys the original taste. Third, always use blood in your cooking. Either boil the meal in rat blood, or use blood, wine, and mustard dressing. It will taste great. And, one of the best tips, always have a raw liver in-" he said, but was cut off by Lussuria's gagging sounds.

The green haired male(?) waved to Bel to stop. "Eh...can I ask something? Have we been eating these things?"

Bel stared at him incredulously. "Are you joking? That's what we've been eating forever."

"Thank you. Well, see you later." Lussuria said as his face turned the same hue as his hair, and he rushed out of the window.

Half an hour later, Lussuria had recovered completely. "Ahem. Remind me to never let him cook again. I'll cook instead!" he said, returning to his normal, happy tone. "Now, our next vict- I'm sorry, subject, is Squalo-chan! My cute little ball of white fluffyness!"

Outside Squalo's door...

Lussuria had stuck his ear on the door, and his expression had changed into a delighted one. "Gola-kun, this is our chance to see what cannot be unseen. One...two... three...CHARGE!"

Charging into the room, he was greeted with a sight for the ages. Xanxus was on top of Squalo, and no, they weren't fighting. Instead they were occupied on the bed, frenching passionately, thus never noticing the okama and the giant robot walking in. Lussuria got hearts in his eyes and clapped loudly. "Congratulations!! I never thought this moment would come!"

The two stopped abruptly and turned simultaneously to Lussuria. Xanxus then got off the bed and caught the poor guy by his collar. "If. This. Gets. Out. Of. This. Room. You. Are. DEAD. Understood?" he asked, his eyes reduced to black holes.

Lussuria wasn't the least bit fazed. "Don't worry boss! As they say, whatever happens in the Varia, stays in the Varia." He said, winking at his boss.

Xanxus let him go and looked down solemnly. "I wouldn't be too sure about that. With Marmon in the organization, something getting leaked out is like Squalo being obnoxious."

"VOOOOOOOI! What do you mean by that you son of a bitch?" Squalo asked, infuriated.

"It's inevitable." Xanxus completed and walked out of the room. "Oh, and Squalo, we'll finish our project tonight, in our private meeting."

Lussuria giggled and walked out of the room as well, completely forgetting about the cooking. They had just filmed something far more juicy than that.

...

Next stop was Levi's room. "Hellooo!" Lussuria greeted happily.

Levi turned and groaned. "What do you want? I'm too busy praying on Boss's shrine!"

"First of all, I want you to try this on!" He said, taking out a pink apron with little cow prints.

"Go away, you bastard!" Levi said, and got an umbrella out.

Lussuria quickly got behind him, and within milliseconds, the apron was glued on Levi. "How lovely!! You look gorgeous!" There was a pause. "Well you don't, but the apron does."

"Get this thing off me! Boss will never praise me if he sees me like that!"

The other smiled. "Would you please shut up and answer my questions? The sooner you do, the sooner you'll be knocked out co- Sorry, free."

"What?" Levi finally gave in.

Lussuria cleared his throat and placed his pinky finger in front of his face. "Well, I want to know what you can cook!"

Levi paused. "I can't cook."

"What a pity!! Strange though, because your parabolas are perfect for frying toast, or making popcorn. "

Levi narrowed his eyes. "What have you-" he was cut off by a kick straight to the head by Lussuria that left him unconscious. Not that he ever was, anyway.

"That's enough for now! Goodnight!" he said, swaying from side to side playfully.

...

After a string of traps, sharp objects and warnings, he got to Marmon's room. He knocked on the door lightly. "Who is it?"

"Hello Marmon-chan! It's Lussuria and Mosca-chan! Mind letting us in? We'd like to ask you a few questions."

Silence loomed over them for a while. "Come in." His voice was heard a few seconds later.

Lussuria opened the door reluctantly only to gulp. 'I knew Marmon-chan wasn't exactly normal... But this takes it too far.' He thought while looking at the room.

The room was all black, with a few indigo details. All kinds of occult objects were stacked in shelves. Black candles were lit everywhere, and music played lowly. Was that a requiem playing? Lussuria shivered.

"What's wrong?" Marmon asked from the armchair he was sitting on, never looking up from his book.

"Eh...nothing! Well, I'm here to ask you about your culinary skills." He squeaked out.

Marmon raised an eyebrow under his hood. "What about them? You don't expect that I'll be cooking when we have so many gullible idiots in here to exploit, right?"

"Well, Mosca-chan and I are doing a documentary on the Varia. So we thought that you might participate." Was Lussuria's high-pitched reply. 'God, this guy makes me feel uneasy ever since he grew up.'

The Arcobaleno smirked. "What's in it for me? Because if you expect me to do it for free, you might as well go out and wait until it starts raining pigs." he deadpanned, closing his book.

"Look, you'll get all the money that we'll make out of selling the documentary. We're doing it for fun, right, Mosca-chan?"

"...puff,huff." Was Gola Mosca's reply.

Lussuria smiled. "I'm so happy you agree with me!"

After a pause, Marmon sighed in defeat. "Fine. I can cook a few things, like pancakes, pasta, and meatballs. That's all, I never cared about cooking anyway." He stated blankly, and turned back to his book. "You can go away now."

Lussuria pouted. "Oh, come on! Please tell us something different. Like, your love life, spicy details! It's not like anyone will ever know! We're just making conversation here!"

Marmon glared at him. "Sod off." He said and gestured them to get out. Once they were out of the door, he shook his head. 'How long am I going to keep my sanity in here? Not more than ten years I expect...I'd prefer to kill myself than that.'

Another crack was created in the wall that separates Reality from various parallel universes, as well as unknown horros of this world, that are only visible to people with an insanity level higher than average.

Anyway, back to our story.

...

About an hour later, everyone was sitting in the living room, watching the new documentary. When Bel started to give away his "secrets" on the video, half the Varia turned green and ran to the bathroom, along with Tsuna. After a few minutes of extreme puking, they walked back into the living room, only to see Squalo making out with Xanxus. They both blushed furiously and Marmon smiled mischieviously. "You didn't tell me that there would be something like this in the documentary, Lussuria."

Lussuria smiled back. "Aren't they cute??"

Xanxus was fuming. "Damn it! Now the whole world will know. I don't even know why I keep you alive, you little illusionist son of a bitch!" he said, downing a glass of whiskey.

Marmon smirked in reply. "That's because there i no other person in this world patient enough to deal with your paperwork, Boss."

Tsuna was simply staring at the picture in front of him. Bel covered his eyes. "Ushishi...These are not things for kids...I could show you how it's done later though..." he said playfully.

The spiky-haired boy shook his head furiously. "N-no thank you Bel! I'll pass!" he half-yelled.

Belphegor shrugged and lied down on his favourite couch. "Suit yourself."

The rest of the day passed with no major difficulties. Tsuna was starting to get used to death threats, pain, and training far worse than Reborn's. As he lied down on his bed, he smiled. 'Maybe they're not that bad after all...They're just a big dysfunctional family...' he thought and chuckled, drifting off to sleep.

* * *

That's all for now. Please review!  
Next chapter, Prank Calls!


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